A former local high school teacher and life coach has found a new way to support parents with adult children through her new book.
Gill Tillman, the author of Pour the Wine, We're Talking About Our Adult Children Again, began her writing career through journals.
"I was sort of facing a time of bewilderment and confusion with my own adult kids," she explained. "When I have any sort of unease I like to go to my journal."
Tillman, a first-time author, decided it was important to share her thoughts with other parents facing similar feelings or challenges.
"I started to realize I wasn't alone," she said. "I began thinking I would love to assist others in realizing they aren't alone and there is power in sharing."
Tillman, 67, says nobody has a perfect family, and everybody could use some support with managing their relationships.
"I compiled some of the journals and went out and did some research," she explained. "I really enjoy helping other people by providing some tools and strategies that they might employ as they deal with life with adult children."
Tillman, an Orillia resident for more than three decades, has two sons and a daughter aged 37, 35, and 32. Each lives in a different country.
Tillman says the book isn't a how-to guide, but rather an open discussion about what other people are doing, how they are communicating with their children, and when they are deciding to "hold back."
"It really is more conversational," she said. "It talks about different situations that you may or may not find yourself in."
Tillman says adult children can sometimes clash with parents about lifestyle choices, employment choices, and mental health issues.
"The book is organized so I speak first to what the differences are with this generation that are real," she said. "We think this generation of children, 19 to 30, are taking longer at meeting what parents would consider to be life's milestones."
Tillman says it is taking longer for today's generation to find their footing in relationships and careers.
"The traditional milestones don't come at the same time," she said. "Marriage can come in a different variety of ways and I know some parents have issues with how grandchildren are looked after."
Tillman says it can be challenging for parents to navigate the period when their child becomes an independent adult because it's taking "much longer" than it did in the past.
Tillman hopes her book will allow parents to realize they aren't alone and understand it's a difficult time for people of this generation as they enter the adulthood.
"We all know that mental health is on the rise," she said. "Employment is tough and the economy is hard."
Tillman says the hardest part of parenting is the work she's had to do on herself, which she talks about in the book.
"As parents, we have to take responsibility that there is work for us to do," she said. "We are not always right and don't always understand, and that's OK."
Tillman hopes the book will inspire people to stop and think, particularly over the holiday season when "everybody is being pressured in every which way."
The book is available on Amazon.ca.
