Following a community roundtable discussion Tuesday on intimate partner violence — what was deemed an epidemic in Orillia — a local police official urged people at the event not to accept the status quo.
“Leave here tonight and share that physical violence is not acceptable; not any of the abuse we heard about tonight is acceptable,” said OPP Det.-Sgt. Tanya Tremble.
Tremble was one of the panellists at the event at St. Paul’s Centre along with Sher McNulty from Green Haven Shelter for Women, registered social worker Olivia Madden and registered nurse Dawn Richards.
Panellists and audience members alike sat silent, listening to a survivor of intimate partner violence, who wished to remain unnamed, share her story.
Her personal testimony recounted the traumas, difficulties and complexities of an abusive relationship, which she escaped 20 years ago.
“I was a nice girl,” she said, listing Girl Guides, the YMCA and her church communities as places of importance to her. “My mistake was falling for the wrong guy.”
She narrated the progression of violence that controlled her life for the entire length of an 18-year marriage.
“It’s a long and stressful road ... Fear of the unknown keeps you dealing with the familiar,” she said of the challenges she faced when deciding to leave the marriage.
She had a three-year-old daughter to worry about, as well as financial burdens, and the psychological impacts of the abuse to contend with.
McNulty, during her 22 years of working at Green Haven Shelter for Women, lamented that the same stories shared two decades ago are still the ones women tell today.
She highlighted two reasons for focusing on women when it comes to gender-based violence.
“One, five per cent of victims are men, and two, women are more likely to lose lives. We use the term femicide because it speaks to the misogyny,” she said.
Panellists described the importance of awareness, education and public understanding of intimate partner violence and gender-based violence, which are terms used interchangeably.
They stressed the importance of removing any sense of blame from the victims. They explained how friends and employers can notice the signs and ask questions to offer support.
Tremble also explained the ways OPP officers are trained to handle these delicate cases.
“It’s not all the same. We’re dealing with individuals, different stories, different experiences and different barriers,” she said.
Most importantly, the roundtable discussed why individuals don’t simply leave abusive relationships. The experts who treat people in these situations described the cyclical nature of physical and psychological abuse that is entwined in those relationships.
Senator Gwen Boniface, former commissioner of the OPP, who mediated the discussion, pointed out the rural challenges around gender-based violence. She said transportation alone can be a key factor for victims.
The Regional Sexual Assault and Domestic Violence Treatment Centre and Green Haven Shelter for Women both ensure a budget and methods for transporting victims to safety, officials noted.
Kim Kneeshaw, executive director of North Simcoe Victim Services, said intimate partner violence-related calls were the most responded-to calls 25 years ago and remain so today. She expressed the importance of awareness and discussion to help combat the stigma and support victims.
So, how do we cultivate a world without gender-based violence?
“By being here,” McNulty answered with a smile at the dozens of people gathered. “Get informed, get involved, have conversations with youth, one meeting, one event at a time.”
A number of the panellists described how social media and song lyrics can normalize behaviours such as stalking and violence. One example given was how apps like Snapchat show friends where each other are at any given time, which can be troublesome in a variety of ways.
Normalizing the conversation about intimate partner violence and gender-based violence, instead of ignoring it, was the crux of the message Tuesday night.
Positive changes to address the challenges of what is now considered an epidemic are also in progress.
Police stations, such as the one in Orillia, are incorporating “soft” interview rooms for the victims who come forward. They are adorned with comfortable seating and amenities, instead of jails cells in view.
Orillia also has two abuse investigators, trained specifically in understanding victim responses to intimate partner violence-related traumas, explained Tremble.
It’s vital “to get the conversation going; these educational and information sessions are especially important in Orillia because of the volume of (intimate partner violence) calls,” she said.
“We want everyone to know that if you call police, we will be there to investigate, work with you and refer you to other resources to support you through your journey.”
